top of page

Stop Saying You're Fine

There is a four letter F-word that's holding you back, but it's probably not the F-word you're thinking of right now <chuckle>. The F-word I'm referring to is fine; think about it.

In this context, the dictionary defines fine as something that is of a very high quality, satisfactory, healthy and feeling well, bright and clear. All of which sounds impressive, but can ultimately be insincere. How often have you defined yourself, your relationship, your job, your life as fine? The cleverness of using the word fine to define is this: if you're fine, you have no further work to do, there's no further action required on your part, because you/your job/your life/your relationship is of a very high quality; it is satisfactory.

To get what you want you must start telling the truth. I understand you might not want to i.e.: burden someone else with the details of your crappy day, or make them feel inferior because you're so completely amazing, but it's when we say fine to ourselves that the real danger sets in. If you're fine then you have already convinced yourself that you're fine about not getting what you want. If everything is of a very high quality and is satisfactory, there's no need to push or work harder, is there? This is exactly why you're not getting what you want.


You have thoughts and ideas every day that could change your life, the way you look and feel, or even how the world turns, but what do you actually do with these ideas? Nothing. Instead of grabbing hold of your ideas, studying, researching, experimenting and refining them – using all of the vast materials at your disposal (i.e.: books/libraries/Kindle, Google, blogs, YouTube, iTunesU, podcasts whatever) – you choose to hit your inner snooze button.

Let's think about snooze buttons for a moment. The majority of us have them. The majority of us have used them, but there's a time and a place for everything. We're talking now about getting what you want, and for that, your snooze button is an evil toggle of doom. Alarm clocks rouse us from sleep in a warm, safe, comfortable environment. It's our signal that it's time to get out of bed and achieve something, during one of our precious and finite days on earth. Instead we choose to hit “Snooze”, we choose comfort and warmth whilst delaying activity and endeavour.


To change any aspect of your life, there is one critical fact to remember: you are never going to feel like it. Ev-ver. The force required to change those things you're doing on autopilot, to now do something different is called Activation Energy. Regrettably for the snooze-button losers, Activation Energy is not delivered by special delivery, it has to be activated by you alone. There is no International Rescuer on their way with this aid package, it's up to you. It's always up to you.


If you're serious about getting what you want, try this tomorrow morning: set your alarm clock 30 minutes earlier then usual and, when it goes off, throw back your duvet, stand up and begin your day. Swear words are optional, but if you snooze, you lose!

By doing this, by changing your thinking and therefore your reality, you will become close personal friends with the Activation Energy required to change your behaviour; moving you closer to getting what you want.


With a nod to Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, when our bodies need fuel we feel hungry and eat, when our bodies need water, we feel thirsty and drink. Well, what about the theory that when we feel stuck in our lives, it's a signal that another of our basic needs is not being met – our soul's need for exploration and discovery?

Looking at this holistically, everything about us grows; hair, nails, regenerated cells etc. Not only does it all grow, but it continues to grow throughout our entire lives. Our souls need continued exploration and growth also, and the only way we'll accomplish this is by forcing ourselves to be uncomfortable. We need to step outside of our comfort zone, and to do this we must first get out of our head. Let me ask you this: if I could publicly broadcast the things you say to yourself – and the way in which you say them – would I be shocked and worried about you? Would you ever talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself?

And as for your feelings, please remember this; not only are they transient visitors that will leave as effortlessly as they arrived, but they also have the power to screw you over royally, if you let them. If you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want, you will never have what you want because you won't feel like it! It's your job (as the boss of you) to make yourself do the stuff you don't want to do, so you can be everything you're supposed to be. Stop waiting to feel like it, because you never will.

Calling all parents. Please pause for a moment and reflect upon your daily parenting duties, i.e.: your son doesn't feel like he wants to stop playing Minecraft, but it's your job to limit his exposure and tell him when enough is enough. Your daughter doesn't feel like staying on to do A-levels because they're too much like hard work, but it's your job to counsel her wisely and encourage her to consider her long-term ambitions. The kids don't feel like playing within government approved Health & Safety regulations, but it's your job to ensure their overall well-being. We parents make our children do what they don't feel like doing every single day, because we know what's best for them, for their greater good. This principle must now apply to you too, but only you can administer and enforce it.

There will always be things you don't feel like doing. Even if you vanquish one lot of “I don't feel like it”, another batch will rear it's ugly head sometime after. So, what handy tips can I offer you to help you get what you want? Well to begin with, you are going to have to force yourself – there's no two ways about it. Force is such a strong word, but you'll see why it's necessary in a moment. First though, have you ever driven to work and not remembered the journey, the process of actually taking the turns and getting to your destination? Most of us have experienced this. This is because you were functioning on autopilot, i.e.: at a lower mental level and capacity than you're potentially capable of.

As soon as you ask yourself to do something new, your subconscious mind attempts to slam on the handbrake, in an attempt to steer you back into autopilot – your comfort zone. Anything that is a break in your routine is going to require force; not in the abusive sense, but in the applied and concentrated effort sense. It's your fine autopilot routines that's killing your potential and your otherwise available achievement. It's your fine autopilot routines that are preventing you from getting what you want. Step out of your comfort zone as soon as you can, because that is where the magic is!


So, returning to your alarm call in the morning. The 30-odd seconds it will take for you to whip back your duvet, turn the air blue with optional expletives, stand up and start your day will undoubtedly suck the big hairy raspberry one, I admit this; but here is where the 5 second rule comes in.

Did you know the mind can process a facial expression in 3 milliseconds? I only mention this to demonstrate how quickly the mind can think. So the next time you have an idea, the impulse to do something, and don't marry it with a physical action within 5 seconds, your subconscious will slam the handbrake on and kill the idea impulse; dead as a Dodo. The physical action you take needn't be extreme, it need only i.e.: require you to write yourself a note, to remind you to do something at a more appropriate time, but the idea and impulse has been attached to affirmative physical action within 5 seconds.

You're not getting what you want because you don't have ideas. You're no getting what you want because you kill those ideas with inertia and inactivity. You're doing this to yourself. You're sabotaging your own success. Stop it!

Oh, and stop saying you're fine!


bottom of page