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Karan's Imaginary Eulogy

Worry not dear friends, I'm still here, fighting fit and not planning to pop my mortal coil any time soon; much to the chagrin of those who grossly underestimated me.. but I digress.

The reasons for my imaginary eulogy are simple: a) as a tool to define my long term goals as specifically as possible, b) as a means of measuring my progress at any given point on my journey, c) to ensure my goals are achievable – but, frankly, if I can imagine them I can achieve them, d) determining my goals to be realistic - although I do believe being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity, and finally e) to be sure my goals can be reached in a timely manner, specifically before the need for a real eulogy!

Basically, if I know that I want to achieve X,Y and Z before I cease to be, and I'm not there yet, then what must I to do in this moment, to get closer to achieving that goal? A written imaginary eulogy is simply a goal setting exercise, but why not add a little aspirational preposterousness to see what happens? It has been well documented that those who have written their goals down are significantly more likely to actually accomplish them, so why not push the envelope a little farther, to learn just how far you can go


So the question comes down to this, how would you like to be remembered? How much do you want to achieve before the Grim Reaper comes a-knocking? Are you bringing every last ounce of greatness out of your days, or are you waiting for a perfect confluence of circumstance before making a start, or effecting a change?

With tongue lodged firmly in cheek, here is my imaginary eulogy, as read by my best friend. Can you find the subtle aspirational preposterousness I wonder? <Chuckle>


“Wow, my ears are still ringing from the 21 gun salute! Thank you AC/DC for that suitably high octane performance of For Those About To Rock We Salute You, accompanied by the Royal Artillery – you can be sure Karan would have loved and approved of that. Replacement underwear for those of a nervous disposition is available in the foyer.

So this is my eulogy for Karan, something I had hoped I would never have to do. There's so much to say, as she achieved so much in her 127 years; not least her discovery of the Elixir of Eternal Youth Serum (now available from all large Boots stores and the remotest Himalayan cave dwellings).

A shark wrestling international swimwear model in her younger days, Karan went on to become a best-selling author and screenplay writer, winning six Oscars, nine Emmys, fourteen BAFTAs, a recent posthumous Humanitarian of the Year Award, and not forgetting her Spectacle Wearer of the Year Award in 1992. This would have satisfied most mortals, but Karan was forever restless and equally ambitious.

A move into politics was always likely, particularly following the dark muesli-covered-breakfast -TV-news days of the Tony Blair administration. Karan agreed to lead the nation as Prime Minister for one term only (as she had too much else to accomplish) during 2032 – 2037, where she single-handedly designed, financed and engineered the colonisation of Mars with television “celebrities”, tabloid newspaper editors, Donald Trump and those committing heinous grammatical errors on Facebook.

A world renowned serial entrepreneur, billionaire philanthropist and exhausted mother of the two most beautiful and talented children on planet Earth, Karan has truly enhanced the lives of millions and millions of people with her unique wit, wisdom and boundless humility. Wherever Karan is now, there is likely to be a Shiraz and Lindor chocolate shortage, whilst we must learn to live in this world, where everyone was once entitled to her opinion”.

So there's my eulogy. Sort of. Although not altogether serious, I hope you get the gist? My actual imaginary eulogy is a private tome, because I believe in walking the walk, as opposed to talking the talk. Rather than talking about my plans, I would rather show you my actual results. So how would you like to be remembered? What do you want to achieve before your mortal coils are popped?

Remember, the secret here is to be as specific as possible, because vague goals produce vague results. Good luck in all of your endeavours – I'm here if you need some support, advice, guidance or a good ole' kick up the arse: 01536 601749 or

Chat soon and good luck achieving your goals!

Karan x


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